Sunday, February 16, 2014

Belated Valentine's Day: What I Want in a Man (or potential partner)

Happy Late Valentine's Day! Sorry I've been gone for a bit. I had to move away from distractions and focus on studying for my midterms, which I think went pretty good. (besides a horrible blunder I made in completely forgetting about one, but I'm still okay, I hope! :/ )

So, Valentine's Day has come and past and I had a good day hanging out with various friends, watching random Youtube vids and old 90s movies. However, after watching this vid by Hey Yo Shanna (AKA Shanna Malcom, a hilarious Youtuber and great friend of Shane Dawson, another hilarious Youtube celeb) I thought she made some valid points.

^^^(Now, this video is like 15mins long, so if you just wanna brief synopsis about it, it's basically Shanna with her friend/fellow Youtuber Bree Esrig drunkenly talking about her past 6 years being divorced, single and celibate. She goes on to write a list of all the qualities she expects to see in a man)

This vid reminded me of an assignment my old Therapist gave me when I was back in high school. He told me to write a journal entry on my "perfect man" and this is what I came up with:

(Disclaimer: There's a very good reason for why his name is "Chad." Back when I was in elementary and middle school, [and as I have hinted in a previous blog post] I was literally in love with a cartoon character. I really didn't find anything that attractive or desirable about the actual human celebrities at the time, so I was ridiculed about it for a loooong time. [a good 5 years at LEAST] So, in my defense, when girls started asking me which male celeb I thought was a hottie, I started instinctively saying Chad Michael Murray. In reality, I  thought he was Okaaaay, not that cute or anything, but he was the first person I saw during a commercial break on channel 5 [before it was called the CW network and they still aired Dawson's Creek] Therefore, the name of my now fictitious "dream man" is Chad because of this. Hope you like this short little story before I get into the good stuff! :P )

Journal Entry (2010-2011) "My Ideal Lover":

His name is Chad. He’s about six feet tall, light complexion, beautiful greenish-blue eyes, along with slick, mid-length, straight, black hair that he always wears down and curled around his right ear. He is my everything. He is a gorgeous, beautiful man, on the inside and out. He’s so genuine. He likes engineering, electronics, and computer programming. He’s really creative with painting and graphic design. He’s an intellectual who enjoys reading and discussing world/life issues. He’s a great listener who loves conversation, especially with me. The two of us can talk about anything in the universe and never feel awkward or uncomfortable in front of each other. He’s so strong. He’s really healthy too. He’s not that much into sports, but he works out regularly and only eats nutritious foods. He gets the craving for a sub or a six dollar burger from Carl’s Jr. every now and then, but he adores sharing a decked salad with me at Soup Plantation or in the comfort of our own home. He likes lifting weights in the gym, running, walking, or even bike riding around the Rose Bowl with me or sometimes just around the park or our neighborhood. He never drinks, smokes or parties, really. He’d rather spend time with me and he prefers to lead a clean lifestyle. He’s so fun and laid back. He likes going on simple, little dates, like to the movies or to Starbucks, which are cheap but enjoyable none the less. Sometimes, he’ll settle to just chillax and cuddle with me when he gets off from work. He’s so hardworking and helpful. He works full time, but casually gets off early to help me with chores around the house. He’s so romantic and affectionate. He loves long walks on the beach, gazing at the stars and candle lit dinners. Occasionally, he’ll surprise me with a lovely dinner at home, and the entire dining room will be decorated with my favorite meals prepared. I do the same for him, of course. He loves to hold me every night before I fall asleep and kisses my forehead every morning as soon as I wake. Quite frequently, we’ll find ourselves piled on the bed just kissing each other and I’ll be in his arms with his lips on my neck, leaving me breathless unable to produce a word, and in my own personal paradise. He’s so considerate. He is acutely aware of me while I’m with him, very attentive to my every need, constantly asking to know what’s on my mind or how I’m feeling, and he’ll tell me what he’s thinking as well. He came from a challenging background too, and he has blossomed into such a wonderful person, despite his past hardships. He is so trustworthy, honest, and protective of me. He never, ever lies to me, about anything. And even if it is bad news that he must share with me, he’ll let me down easy in a gentle fashion. I can tell him anything and he will never fail to keep it a secret, if it’s a private matter. Whenever he feels that I am in danger or that someone is threatening my well-being or offending me in any way, he will shield me from them at all costs, even if it is harmful to himself. Of course, I don’t’ want him getting hurt in the process of defending me, but he thinks that I’m worth the risk. Whenever I’m sad or upset, he’s always there to comfort me. He’ll hold me in his arms and gently wipe away every tear before it even gets the chance to cascade from the surface of my face. He’ll whisper in my ear “everything’s going to be alright. You’ve got me babe” and hold me really tight until I’m fine once more.

He is my happiness. He is my everything. He shares all of my hopes and dreams and supports me in any way possible. His name is Chad. 

Even though that was back in high school, I can't really say much has changed about my views on love, relationships and my ideal partner. However, I do have to admit that when I was younger, I profoundly believed that I had to find someone that came from a challenging background like myself, which I find rather faulty now. I thought that in order to be compatible with someone, we both had to have suffered in order to relate to each other best, and though this may seem plausible, I think now that it's actually inaccurate. Just because a person comes from a more "normal" or "privileged" background doesn't mean they won't be able to support me properly. Like my good friend Natalie says, "Be the crazy one in the relationship, because you do NOT want to be with someone crazier than yourself." I agree with this fully! I'm pretty effing crazy, so I better find someone sane!

So, because Shanna was so nice as to make her own list on what she envisions are the perfect qualities her ideal man has, I shall make my own. (And in all honesty, it really won't differ much from hers) So here it is:

1) Integrity: I think that this is an essential quality in any person. Be true to yourself and everyone else in your life. Practice what you preach and stick to your moral values.

2) Trustworthiness: I think that this is another HUGE one in ALL relationships. I feel like you can't have love without trust. I'm looking for someone who I can depend on, in sickness and in health, that will be there for me through everything. I think that within this one are honesty and loyalty, because a person who isn't trustworthy won't embody any of these other qualities either.

3) Stability: I'm not saying that I'm not stable myself, but some pretty erratic things have taken place in my lifetime, and when things get out of control, they stir a lot of anarchy in me as well, causing my emotions to spiral out of control and therefore, I need a person who can be my rock  to lean on and keep me grounded when times are rough.

4) Passion: Like Shanna says in her video, passion is very important in a significant other. If they're not passionate about anything, then what makes them interesting or unique? What are they living for or doing with their life?

5) Understanding: I think we all look to others for understanding. We want to belong and feel that sense of being understood that cleans away all of our insecurities and worries about whether we are heard or related to.

6) Consideration: This goes along with kindness. I just want someone who is mindful of their actions and their effects on others. Acknowledge your sweetheart. Give credit where it's due. Offer help when it's needed. These things should be obvious most of the time, but it seems to me that there are many in this world who are super self-centered and don't know or care about the other people who surround them.

7) Empathy: I think that it's appropriate this come after Understanding and Consideration. My life experiences are very varied and unique to the circumstances I've been derived from and the situations I've encountered which many others in my current standing have not. Therefore, it may be difficult or even impossible to relate to me or fully understand where I'm coming from. However, even if you can't identify with me, I think its really important you at least empathize or sympathize with me so that I can feel appreciated, cared for, and respected.

8) Belief in God: Again, like Shanna's list, I really do want someone who shares a spiritual connection with our Creator as I do myself.

9) Purity, Celibacy/Abstinence: another one similar to Shanna's, I'm a proud virgin and I believe sex is a sacred act that shouldn't be earned until marriage, and therefore, I need someone who is patient, committed, and determined to wait with me while we let our love blossom and grow.

10) Affectionate: Because of my destructive upbringing, I was severely deprived of affection, compassion, and intimacy. So these are things that are HIGHLY necessary for me in a relationship. Some might call me "touchy feely" but it's how I gotta be to stay alive. I'm incredibly sensitive and I need a man (or woman, or transsexual, I admire all of the colors of the rainbow) to constantly show me affection through physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time. (speaking of these, check out the 5 Love Languages quiz here:

So there ya go! There's my list! And though I'm still finding happiness in the single life right now, I also went Speed Dating last week and I got a match, so we'll see how that goes. :)

And while I was writing this, my starred  playlist on Spotify played this song which is one of my favorites and I think rather relevant to this post:

Thanks for reading. =)

No comments:

Post a Comment