Of course, I've been up these past few nights thinking about writing this. That's just my nature, I guess.
I'm sorry that I won't ever be able to enjoy falling asleep next to you. You always say you love falling asleep and waking up next to me, and I wish I could share that sentiment, but it's possible I may never be able to.
You see, at night, sleep evades me. I'm not normal, I'm far from it.
I envy how easily you lie down, close your eyes, and drift into dreamland while I lay awake beside you.
Sometimes I watch you sleep, admiring your good looks, sexy physique, and how peaceful you are. But I continue to toss and turn, shifting positions to get comfortable, staring at the wall and planning the next day or processing past hurts.
What seems so simple for you and most people is so difficult for me.
And so you sleep all night and wake up refreshed, ready to start the day. I can't even fathom what that's like. I feel as if I'm always in a constant state of tiredness. I'm chronically fatigued, and I hope I'm not doomed to feel this way for the rest of my life.
And so I'm sorry that you have to witness me sleep all day. While the world is resting, my mind is running nonstop. So many sleepless nights lead me to desperately reach for sleep during the day, the only time it comes to me, the only time I can actually catch it. And it leaves you puzzled and confused and takes away the time we get to spend together. I'm practically nocturnal to say the least.
I don't know if things will ever be different for me. I've tried medications and nothing seems to work. But just know, even though it's hard for me to fall asleep next to you, it's not you, it's hard for me to sleep next to anyone. It's hard for me to sleep even when I'm alone. And though it's a little bit more of a struggle when I'm next to you, I'm willing to keep trying, because I'd rather wake up with you feeling exhausted then wake up without you at all.
Keep dreaming on, my love. And maybe one day, I'll be able to feel as rested as you do, so we can take on the world together.
Thanks for Reading. <3